Which fortune cookie message are you?
So maybe you were reluctant to get your fortune told if it meant shuffling through the crowd in Wong Tai Sin and getting burnt by smoky joss sticks? In that case, you can still get your fortune read for the year to come! We have invited Our Feng Shui Master Shifu Hung Maow, a master of the ancient art of reading fortune sticks, Kau Cim, to decode your chinese new year fortune messages.
Since there are no literal sticks in this cyber-temple, simply clear your mind, meditate on sleeping monkeys, and pick a number between 1 and 12. Then let Shifu Hung Maow and Foodpanda interpret your advice for the Year of the Monkey.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: It is a mission impossible that a pig can fly (unless of course it’s a spider pig from the Simpsons). This year if you can make a pig fly, perhaps it will be time for you to win a nobel prize.
Literal translation: Unintentionally revealing a secret might give you more than a slap on the back of your head.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: Keep your head down and mouth shut to avoid misunderstanding or misfortune. Also, avoid high-fiving drunken westerners.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: We can assume how much effort it would take to pull a cow up a tree. So why not chop down the tree and make a chopping board and slice the beef on it instead? Seems more effortless that way.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: Instead of crushing a crab with a giant stone, there are smarter ways of killing a crab. For instance, you can freeze it and then put it in cool water before turning up the heat and boil. That way, the crab won’t even know what is coming. Play smart with little effort and you will earn yourself a big delicious meal.
Literal translation: Making ‘telephone congee’ means spending hours on the phone
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: Boiling telephone congee is no longer in fashion. It would be wise for you to pay attention to your health by cleansing your body and palate the chinese way: make a congee with preserved egg and pork meat. It tastes better than boiled plastic. I guarantee!
Literal translation: You can achieve big return by giving minimal effort.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: If you receive this lucky message, you will stir up a big harvest with little effort. Are you by any chance the son or daughter of a property magnate?
Literal translation: Be careful not to become a scapegoat for someone else’s crime or wrong doing.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: As a herbivore, I don’t harm cute kitties or condone eating people’s pets. Collect your luck from the lucky cats and avoid furballs in your throat.
Literal translation: In chinese chess, the elephant can never fly across the river which means not playing by the rules.
Hung Maow’s interpretation: An elephant flying across the river is definitely breaking the rules of physics. But sometimes, that what you need in life: This year, think outside the box and you may get an unexpected surprise.
Literal translation: A caged pig enters the water – you will become rich as your investments will swell like a soaking pig.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: If you receive this lucky message, be prepared to be filthy rich! Although hopefully your wealth will expand more quickly than a rotting pig carcass.
Literal translation: To stir fry squid means you will fire someone or get fired.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: Stir frying a squid at work will definitely give you some stinky impact in your working environment. If you are an employee, don’t slack off. If you are in management, and there is someone you consider firing, offer them a plate of stir fried squid and see if their performance improves.
Literal translation: Seeing a big toad hopping around on the street means something is too good to be true
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: If you see a giant toad hopping around, consider going to Vision Express. Or perhaps hide in a bunker as clearly the post-apocalyptic world has begun.
Literal translation: Don’t lie your way out of a problem.
Shifu Hung Maow’s interpretation: If you have a cat, you will know pulling a tail can result to horrific pain and scratches and endless sulking. If you have any sense, you will respect and honor the situation or problem you created. You can start by buying tasty treats and snacks after apologizing for your mistakes. Over time, your cat or colleagues might just forget and forgive.
Azure Lorraine is an adventurous food and life lover from sunny Cali. She enjoys writing about anything from food, lifestyle to mindfulness. Follow her scrumptious and vibrant journey around the world on Instagram @azuyuzu852.